OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
