But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My ATM looks so different sober.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
