You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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