Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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