just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize