True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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