Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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