just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
did i walk over a car last night?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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