Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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