And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
