i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
