i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
