the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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