about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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