WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
