I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
