You smell like stripper and shame
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
