summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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