I want to have your abortion
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
