I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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