You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The struggles of a small town man whore
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
