This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
