I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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