I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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