i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
