Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
