I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
