I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
