I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
