when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize