all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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