is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
