thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
