Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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