is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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