I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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