I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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