need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
