please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
