how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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