did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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