hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
