you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
