i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize