and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
