4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
