wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
