Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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