She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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