Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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