you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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