Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
