well I can't set my house on fire every night
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
