I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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