these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
