I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
