We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
