I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
