I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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