And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
