i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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