Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
