life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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