everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
