No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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