the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
