Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You smell like stripper and shame
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
