Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
