There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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