imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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