hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
