dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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