So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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