I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
