I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
