So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
