i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
ttyl tear gas
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
