I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
