We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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