so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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