Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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