the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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