how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
