he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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