I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
