I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
