im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
